And thus here I am. I have no intentions of going into great history or "this is how I got here" comments - well, at least not in this post. For this moment, it is writing the post.
Just writing.
Again.
I am a writer who put down their pen years ago. You see, to truly write, you must have an emotional tie. Through your emotions the words flow and take shape. Words blossom and grow and tie into the emotions you share through - joy, pain, happiness, sorry, anger, love, etc. As you write, you feel every word as they are a transformation of abstract to concrete. A piece of yourself is laid out there to see. They say fasting without a purpose is just starving yourself. I believe that writing without emotion is just handwriting (or typing) practice. When life came to a point where just "feeling" my emotions was difficult enough, going the extra step to spend time with them and write became obsolete. Soon I just chose not to feel at all.
So what does this say? I'm all happy go lucky and ready to feel and share and the world has a happy, blissful ending? Oh, no way. I still don't like to feel - but I am working on it. I am learning that my emotions, whatever they may be, are valid and legitimate. I'm trying to make peace with them. It's been a long journey and this is one of the next steps - pick up my pen again. I do have to laugh because the last time I really was a "committed" writer, computers were still monochrome screens and printers were dot-matrix. And the few times I tried to put it on paper by hand ended with those things being destroyed - not wanting a record of that pain.
This is a next step for me and I am not sure where it will go, but it's a step. I'm not out to impart great knowledge or anything like that. I don't even really have an audience. I just have to write. I have to allow emotion to pass by on a complete path. I have to let myself feel at this level again. I imagine it will take a while before it is all more that just "words on a page." I recently made the comment that I was not trying "to be perfect" I was just trying "to be". I'm not out to write the next great viral blog, I'm just out to write. To give myself permission to feel. It can only strengthen me.
And so it is.
Again.
I am a writer who put down their pen years ago. You see, to truly write, you must have an emotional tie. Through your emotions the words flow and take shape. Words blossom and grow and tie into the emotions you share through - joy, pain, happiness, sorry, anger, love, etc. As you write, you feel every word as they are a transformation of abstract to concrete. A piece of yourself is laid out there to see. They say fasting without a purpose is just starving yourself. I believe that writing without emotion is just handwriting (or typing) practice. When life came to a point where just "feeling" my emotions was difficult enough, going the extra step to spend time with them and write became obsolete. Soon I just chose not to feel at all.
So what does this say? I'm all happy go lucky and ready to feel and share and the world has a happy, blissful ending? Oh, no way. I still don't like to feel - but I am working on it. I am learning that my emotions, whatever they may be, are valid and legitimate. I'm trying to make peace with them. It's been a long journey and this is one of the next steps - pick up my pen again. I do have to laugh because the last time I really was a "committed" writer, computers were still monochrome screens and printers were dot-matrix. And the few times I tried to put it on paper by hand ended with those things being destroyed - not wanting a record of that pain.
This is a next step for me and I am not sure where it will go, but it's a step. I'm not out to impart great knowledge or anything like that. I don't even really have an audience. I just have to write. I have to allow emotion to pass by on a complete path. I have to let myself feel at this level again. I imagine it will take a while before it is all more that just "words on a page." I recently made the comment that I was not trying "to be perfect" I was just trying "to be". I'm not out to write the next great viral blog, I'm just out to write. To give myself permission to feel. It can only strengthen me.
And so it is.
A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
