In class tonight we will be talking about building mastery. This is part of the acronym PLEASE MASTER which is a method to reduce being so vulnerable to negative emotions. For a review, the remainder are PhysicaL illness (taking care of your body), balanced Eating (healthy nutrition), avoid mood-Altering drugs (ie, alcohol, or abusing medications), balance Sleep (what is the right amount for you), and get Exercise (keep body moving). Tonight, we go over MASTERy which our book notes this as "try to do one think a day to make yourself feel competent and in control." I have already been warned that this will include that wonderful question of "what are you good at" (or similar).
My mom sang with a band for years and I think had the opportunities been there in her day as there is now, she may have gone professional. I grew up around music and singing in our home. We always sang. At my mission farewell, me, my mom, and my sister sang David Meece's God's Promises/Rainbows in the Night in harmony - and it was awesome.
I enjoy music a lot. I sing and I play flute and sax. I can listen to a piece of music and decipher parts and harmonies easily as well as add harmony to pieces that don't have any. I love pieces that use key changes and minor shifts. I have done composing and rearrangements of pieces. I have conducted and taught. My TV is on in my house maybe 3 hours a month (and that is being generous). All other times there is music playing. I love musicals (#1 on the bucket list is to see Phantom on Broadway). I'm one of those people you pull up to at a stoplight and they are singing away like no one is watching. My car, my world - of course this is only if I am the only one in the car and the windows are up. I love to sing. Ask me if I am good at any of it? I will answer no. You see, I am easily intimidated.
Intimidation keeps me from admitting "I am good" to just about most things (singing is just a good example). Who gets to define what "good" is anyways? I mean, I may think I am good at something and in reality I suck. Yet, what is the comparison? Who holds the measuring stick? And isn't it a moving target? Are we comparing to novices or professionals? Sure there are a lot of things I can do, I'm a jack-of-all-trades and I excel in the master-of-none part of it.
And what are the parameters? Are we talking about trades or actions? I mean, I am pretty awesome at giving hugs. I would like to think that the world is a better place because I am good at giving hugs. I have to be mindful because I am a bear-hugger hugging person. The "tap-tap" easy hug? Dude, that is as bad as the dead-fish handshake. Yet, if I learned nothing else after working 5 years in a civil rights office, I learned that you 1. ask permission before giving a hug and 2. respect one's space. I'm telling you, hugs could bring about world peace. I loved that in Argentina - everyone hugged. One of the difficult things to do when I got back home was learning to shake someone's hand instead of hug them. Yet, I don't think "giving hugs" is probably the answer they will be looking for tonight in class.
It is probably not so much that I am not good at doing things as I am not good at allowing myself to say I am good at doing something. I mean, admit it, that just took some talent to construct that previous sentence and make it work - and I did it in one shot.
In a not so elegant explanation, it is my guess it is more like this: admitting I am good at something would mean I would be giving myself a positive accolade which we all know that giving myself complements is not a strong suit of mine. Plus, as long as I am not putting myself into the "I'm good at this" column, then the whole potential of screwing it up is taken from the equation. You can't end up sucking at something you already suck at to start with. Hey, maybe we should just ask "what do you suck at?" Now, I could get you a list!!!! Hmm, probably doesn't fall under non-judgmental and compassionate toward yourself. Ok, will avoid making that list.
I always feel there is expectation to perform at a certain level when you say you are good at something. When I mention I tap dance, I almost always get some kind of a "oh! you will have to tap for us sometime" follow up comment. No. I don't want to show off like a circus monkey. Just take my word for it, I have the physical ability to perform this activity with competency and at a level I enjoy. I do not have to prove myself. And my favorite (yes, I have really heard this several times) "well, if you won't show us then you must not be as good as you say you are." What?? Are we in high school??
I wonder if it is too late to ask the question to be changed. Instead of asking "what are you good at" can we go with "what do you enjoy doing"? There are a lot of things I enjoy doing, how do you think I have earned my jack-of-all-trades certification?? Matter of fact, that is a pretty long list. I really can't tell you if I am good at all the different things or not, yet I enjoy doing them. Do you have to be good at something to "feel competent and in control" of it? I would think that if you are experiencing some level of enjoyment, then that should be enough. Plus, if you are not enjoying it, you can practice your skills to either hang in there until you get through it or find a way to do it that will make it enjoyable.
In the meantime I better come up with a plan for an answer if the question sways to the "good" side.
