"I did good today." That would be what I said as I pulled my night shirt on. I made healthy choices today. I made happy choices today. I did some things for me. So the first two happen pretty regularly now and it is the third one added to it that makes it a day in the really effective column.
I had the chance to go out with the team this morning. This was the first time in over a year that I got to go with the whole group. Last year my recovery took a bit longer than planned then the fight with dehydration kept me from going out. Not this year though!
I am not very good at doing things for myself. Yah I know, not a big epiphany there. I struggle with allowing myself to be first, always have. Maybe a more correct statement would be that I struggle with allowing myself to be anything except last. I have always had the mindset that if I took time for myself then I was taking time away from doing for others. If I placed myself before another it was showing pride. It is that skewed selfish view that I continue to struggle with.
I have to learn to find a happy medium in all of this. It is not healthy to never include myself just as it is unhealthy to always be the focus. This is definitely a place where absolutes should be avoided. I have been told that the goal I should be going for is "self-consideration." Now that I have chewed on this for a while (it has come around a few times) I have to figure out how to do it.
To succeed in class, you have to practice the skills we learn. You have to practice a lot. I actually think it is eternal practicing, I do not think you ever get it perfect. I got to thinking that if I want to get comfortable with doing things for myself, then I would have to practice it a bit. I would have to choose to do activities that I wanted to do, not because it benefited someone else, yet simply because I desired to do them.
I am trying a little experiment through this next week. I am going to try and do at least one thing each day for myself. One thing, and it doesn't matter if it is big or small, just something I am doing for my own personal satisfaction. Then, as to maintain accountability, I get to write about it. Now it may not encompass a whole post, yet it has to be recorded with some thoughts. My hope is that I might find some peace with the whole concept and that I will be more apt to do things for myself without all the self-imposed guilt.
It is also spring break this next week and I feel like I have to "do it right" this round. I had setbacks over Thanksgiving break and over Christmas break therefore I am going for the "third time is a charm" theory and hoping for no issues. Figure if I am focusing on doing good things then there is less likelihood of doing bad things. Sounds good in my head at least!
So that's the plan. As for this moment though, my 9.5 miles with the team and short walk this afternoon has caught up with me. Eyes are heavy and brain is shutting down. A good night's sleep is in store as I take a deep breath and start to move myself from the back of the line. We will see how well it goes.
As for today though, I did good.
To succeed in class, you have to practice the skills we learn. You have to practice a lot. I actually think it is eternal practicing, I do not think you ever get it perfect. I got to thinking that if I want to get comfortable with doing things for myself, then I would have to practice it a bit. I would have to choose to do activities that I wanted to do, not because it benefited someone else, yet simply because I desired to do them.
I am trying a little experiment through this next week. I am going to try and do at least one thing each day for myself. One thing, and it doesn't matter if it is big or small, just something I am doing for my own personal satisfaction. Then, as to maintain accountability, I get to write about it. Now it may not encompass a whole post, yet it has to be recorded with some thoughts. My hope is that I might find some peace with the whole concept and that I will be more apt to do things for myself without all the self-imposed guilt.
It is also spring break this next week and I feel like I have to "do it right" this round. I had setbacks over Thanksgiving break and over Christmas break therefore I am going for the "third time is a charm" theory and hoping for no issues. Figure if I am focusing on doing good things then there is less likelihood of doing bad things. Sounds good in my head at least!
So that's the plan. As for this moment though, my 9.5 miles with the team and short walk this afternoon has caught up with me. Eyes are heavy and brain is shutting down. A good night's sleep is in store as I take a deep breath and start to move myself from the back of the line. We will see how well it goes.
As for today though, I did good.
